MOHAMED REZA BIN MOHD NASIR
BLK XXX #XX-XX
WOODLANDS DRIVE XX
SINGAPORE 730XXX
Dear MS MOHAMED REZA BIN MOHD NASIR,
PROPOSAL : XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Thank you for your life insurance application. We are now processing your application and coverage will commence after the proposal has been accepted.
If you have already paid a premium deposit, the life assured will be covered against death by accident up to the basic sum assured, subject to a maximum of $XXX,XXX.XX from today until the acceptance, rejection or withdrawal of the proposal. This is an interim cover against death by accidents, pending the issue of the policy.
In the meantime, please go through the particulars we have created on our computer record and let us know if any of the details are incorrect.
If you have any enquiries, please contact our Customer Service at telephone 6XXXXXXX or email xxx@income.com.sg.
If you have already paid a premium deposit, the life assured will be covered against death by accident up to the basic sum assured, subject to a maximum of $XXX,XXX.XX from today until the acceptance, rejection or withdrawal of the proposal. This is an interim cover against death by accidents, pending the issue of the policy.
In the meantime, please go through the particulars we have created on our computer record and let us know if any of the details are incorrect.
If you have any enquiries, please contact our Customer Service at telephone 6XXXXXXX or email xxx@income.com.sg.
Thank you.
Yours sincerely,
(signature)
Tan XXX XXXX
Chief Executive Officer
____________________________________
My Critique…
A glaring error in this letter is the wrong salutation used because I am definitely not a Miss! The subject heading is also not clear although I think that it was meant to be “PROPOSAL: XXXXXXXXX”. A better heading would be “Application for Insurance Proposal: XXXXXXXX” with the words underlined or in bold.
The opening sentence is courteous and informs the reader what the letter is about. However, the writer should at least give a time frame when the proposal will be accepted. As for the main body itself, the information is clear but I feel that the company should check whether I had already paid the premium or not instead of using “If …”
Other than that, the letter is fine as the tone is appropriate and the relevant information has been stated concretely and concisely. The sentence structure and organization of paragraphs makes the letter coherent and cohesive. There is also no error in the language used.
Lastly, the writer suggested the actions to be taken and provided the appropriate contact information and ends off with a thank you. This letter seems to be a template but I feel that the writer should at least make some changes to improve it.
The opening sentence is courteous and informs the reader what the letter is about. However, the writer should at least give a time frame when the proposal will be accepted. As for the main body itself, the information is clear but I feel that the company should check whether I had already paid the premium or not instead of using “If …”
Other than that, the letter is fine as the tone is appropriate and the relevant information has been stated concretely and concisely. The sentence structure and organization of paragraphs makes the letter coherent and cohesive. There is also no error in the language used.
Lastly, the writer suggested the actions to be taken and provided the appropriate contact information and ends off with a thank you. This letter seems to be a template but I feel that the writer should at least make some changes to improve it.
Hi Mohamed,
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is such a grave mistake to mix up the salutation! Besides falling short on the courtesy factor, this error is more serious for an insurance company which depends on building close personal relationship with customers.
Finally, I will like to add that it is a great idea to use “X” to replace the sensitive information. Especially for the name of the Chief Executive Officer, I felt that it was very thoughtful of you to help protect the identity of the guilty agent.
Michelle Keong
Dear Reza,
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed a well written letter with a correct tone and format. Phrases such as “please go through” and “Thank you” were used. The content was clear and concise as all the information that needed you to take note of was emphasized appropriately. I agree with you that the subject title was vague and could be improved. In addition, the time frame should be given like you mentioned so that you can check with the company whether your proposal had been processed by that certain date. Lastly, it was a grave mistake by this chief executive office to mix up the salutations. She must be more careful the next time.
Cheers,
Li Yun
Hi Reza!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that the letter seems like a template. The formulaic nature of the letter makes it seem impersonal, which I feel is not appropriate for this kind of letter since it involves dealing with a very personal matter, that is, your money.
Other than that, the letter had followed closely the 7Cs of writing, hence making it a generally well-written business correspondence.
Regards,
Faidah.
Hey Gals,
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your insightful analysis and comments!
Regards,
reza